isn't it odd how some things pass so fast and some so slow? it's hard to believe i know some of the year 1s for only a few months. it seems like so much longer. but it's hard to believe that i've done some things for so long and yet it seems so near. i worked a year and more ago and yet it still seems like it was recently. it's perspective is it? i feel stuck. i have no idea why i like him and i want to let go. yet i feel that i may be missing something here.

it's not realistic to dream about fairytales and taiwan dramas becoming real. and yet how can i control what my subconscious chooses to believe? i always think it's the hardest thing because no matter who you decieve you can never ever deceive yourself. it is such that you can tell people you dont hope anymore, but thats not true until the time when hope really dies because if it doesn,t you really cant control yourself from holding out that tiny little hope.

sometimes i'm hit by sudden waves of loneliness and nostalgia. sometimes i wish for someone just to be there for me, to take away the desperation threatening to claim me. so i turn to those i know will not turn away. but its not fair for them, for i dont think of them the way they do of me. then again. how would i know?

its so hard to trust isnt it.

my mind tells me i've given up. my heart tells me otherwise.

tennis is good. it gets stuff of your chest. friends are good too. they make you laugh. no wonder they say all you need is good company. 2:45:00 AM