well so concludes scamp 07. it was less of an experience than last year, but an enriching one nevertheless. maybe we'll band together even more because of this, or maybe we'll drift apart. whatever the case, cheers to all the effort put in. it wasnt easy as everyone had other commitments or affiliations, it's never easy to take up the responsibility of taking care of others, and at least maybe we all too learn a bit more about ourselves, so kudos to everyone who joined, and even if others or whoever think we didnt do great, we tried, and we made new friends and hopefully will be able to act as the people providing guidance to the ones under our wings, and we still had fun despite it all, so... yay for us =) and i'm trying to apply for SOW, so cross my fingers and hope i get in! =)

on a side note, cheers too, to the freshies. i think they are great, love 'em. hahaha. especially the blurrer ones, a sense of kinship maybe? HAHAHA. 10:53:00 PM

i just kinda want to sob. everything is just so crap. and he is so stupid he should just drop dead. seriously. and i dont like that everybody is like cant be bothered about anything. i dont like. i'm pissed. 12:10:00 AM

it doesnt really matter what anybody else's opinion is as long as you're happy with yourself and comfortable in your own skin. because then, no matter what other people say, it wouldnt matter. sure, it'll be better if they were compliments, but it doesnt really matter either way. i admire the people who are like that. because it really doesnt matter that to me, they may be stupid or ugly or whatever, they genuinely dont give a damn what i think. it's easier living life that way. i'm only me after all, only one in 4.4 million or more people in singapore and one in a gazillion people in all the world, of course it doesnt matter what my opinion of them is.

but people who are not comfortable with themselves, they define themselves by others' views of them, critique of them. even critique that should not matter from people who are worse off in that particular area in question. and sometimes i wonder if somewhere along the way, i kinda lost track of who i really am. 9:38:00 PM

when you take a step back from the front, you see how much else you have been missing, so close have you been to the action. just like how when you're at a baseball game and you take a front row seat, and you see the pitcher's concentration as the ball sails from his hands, you see his relief as 'strike 1' is called, or alternatively, you see the disappointment instead, if 'ball 1' is called. but that's all you see. but sit a few rows back instead, and you see the tears of a little girl as her ice cream falls on the floor, the tenderness of her mother soothing her. you see so many other going ons. the world revolves after all even while you're not paying attention. even while you have your focus on something else.

it takes a damn lot of effort to slow down and just watch and bide your time. just like how it's excruciatingly painful to even think about practicing taiji, for how could i move with such a slow precision and calmness when i'm so used to going everywhere and doing everything like a maniac?

some people are too rash, the decisions made always spontaneous. and some people are somehow never content with what they have.

there is a particular tendency for humans to crave attention, even those that are undeserved. i'm not sure that's such a good thing.

my life was too slow moving and i was bored. i had time with my thoughts, and i became depressed. then now my life is kinda too fast moving and i'm afraid i wont be able to cope. hahaha. there's just no pleasing some people eh?

but i prefer it this way.

i don't like my lab partner. he's a bit weird. dang.



Explain the workings of a world
Devoid of melancholy.
Where angels flit in crystal spray, for
('I believe in angels' so you say).
Nab the little elves
They hide in flowers,
Alas, they know the way to the bridge of colours.
Not the gold that we seek at the end of it,
Yet please, show us, for we believe in magic.
'A little way away,
North of the oak and south of the lake,
Zenith of the area
High above all,
Aphrodite rules the floor,
Now there's real magic you'll see,
Goddess of love she ain't called for naught.'


some random shit. 6:54:00 PM

there are no seasons in Singapore, and so summer term is termed special sem. how odd. =) 1:47:00 PM

not depressed anymore, slightly stressed, mildly anxious, but not depressed. =)

busy as a bee =) 10:09:00 PM

i am... not pretty enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough, not funny enough, not witty enough, not talkative enough, not caring enough, not sporty enough, not hardworking enough, not sweet enough, not chirpy enough, not cool enough, not glam enough, not lovable enough, not quiet enough, not interesting enough, not cheerful enough, not charming enough, not optimistic enough, not... anything enough.

i am not good enough.

give it up. 10:41:00 PM

everything is fake, all lies, all facades, all untruths, all deceit. damn you.

i hate this. 10:45:00 PM

my best friend is going overseas for three weeks. how am i gonna survive?! especially without the weekly tennis sessions?! oh dang.

hahahaha.

i dread the start of school =(

and yay monsters unite again on monday =) 10:03:00 PM