hrm haven't posted anything substantial for awhile? kinda wasting my life away. everywhere i go, i see mentions of the impending results, which will be out in.. oh just 1 and a half more hours. i think each time it got mentioned, my heart just beat a whole lot faster. like. twice the rate. dang.

mahjong yesterday with cheryl and friends, i swear i'll never gamble again? hahaha. my heart seriously cannot take the strain. throughout the whole game i was so scared. haha. seriously. tennis today, yay i'm getting darker by the second. i can so feel it. haha. and i'm a bonafide couch potato. so sue me. =P

oh no oh no. i'm super extremely scared. 5:36:00 PM

i was just starting to be way more optimistic than i've felt in what seems like a million years, but suddenly i feel quite quite demoralised and rejected. tsk. it kinda sucks.

it's like since i got kicked out of first three months, there's been this little black cloud following me around. making me feel negative about everything.

it seems to have lifted for a bit though. maybe the best thing is to just keep doing what i was doing and stop doing things that have the potential to lure the black cloud back again. dang. 12:54:00 AM

today is a happy and fine day, i repeat, H-A-P-P-Y. and i'm being honest.. hahaha. but well, at the end of the day i watched a movie which made me melancholy, and read a book which had the same effect so the below quotes and whatnot may seem a tad sad, but it has been a great day overall. i'm proud of me. =) wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

'at first i thought i married her because she was the only one i could live with. gradually, i came to realize that i married her because she was the only one i couldn't live without.'
now isn't that sweet. but the girl died. how ironic. =( aha. then again, it's a film. don't films come out with all sorts of romantic thrash that in fact stay that way? as thrash?

and here's a song i found out about today. it's just a tad sad.

Now if there's a smile on my face It's only there trying to fool the public But when it comes down to fooling you Now honey that's quite a different subject But don't let my glad expression Give you the wrong impression Cos really I'm sad, Oh I'm sadder than sad Well I'm hurt and I want you so bad Like a clown I appear to be glad

Well they're some sad things known to man But ain't too much sadder than The tears of a clown when there's noone around

Now if I appear to be carefree It's only to camouflage my sadness And honey to shield my pride I try To cover this hurt with a show of gladness But don't let my show convince you That I've been happy since you Cos I need to go, oh I need you so Look I'm hurt and I want you to know For others I put on a show ...

Just like Pagliacci did I try to keep my surface hid Smiling in the crowd I try But in a lonely room I cry The tears of a clown When there's noone around, Now if there's a smile on my face Don't let my glad expression Give you the wrong impression Don't let this smile I wear Make you think that I don't care Cos really I'm sad... 11:18:00 PM

well. practice what you preach.

i'm kinda pissed. i gather that entry was about us. and i have no idea why. i feel like i live in a dream and am removed from happenings and when i come back to reality, suddenly i'm getting criticized for no reason. it's crazy. it gets me worked up.

after discussion at length, it may have been due to one's rashness and way of speaking. that i understand. i myself get pissed off sometimes.

i don't know. i'm pissed and confused. i should stop reading blogs if it makes me so unhappy. but it's like an addiction i can't kick. 11:07:00 PM

i like kite flying. blogger seems a little screwed up these two days? 9:29:00 PM

spiderman three was good, the museum was interesting, tuition not that bad, company was good and i like people who make me laugh.

careful amelia.. careful....

and damn, you made my heart beat faster. it seldom does, not for crushes it doesn't. damn damn damn.

it shouldn't, i shouldn't, you wouldn't, and didn't. 11:17:00 PM

quote: 'eh i remember your good side is my bad side leh, that's why we match.' - best friend while taking picture. hahaha.

i've just had a new revelation today. i don't have any shoes! haha. from the point of view of a girl. but hey, you can hardly blame me you know. see, a girl needs high high heels, for those formal occassions, and then there are the NOT SO high heels, just for when i feel like feeling taller than i am, and then there are court shoes for interviews, and even heels are divided into strappy and closed shoes, which you need both, depending on occassion, i mean you need closed heels for jeans and strappy heels for dresses! and then there are the flat shoes, for when you get tired of walking on tiptoe, cuz you need to give your calves the rest, and the sneakers to complete the sporty look, or sports shoes for when you actually want to exercise, not to mention slippers for when you're feeling casual, the not-so-casual slippers for when you don't want to look too sloppy and the flipflops for beach and when you're feeling really lazy. AND let's not forget that for all of the above, there has to be matching colours for your wardrobe, can't turn up with mismatched shoes and clothes. SO YOU SEE?? 20 pairs wouldn't even begin to spell e-n-o-u-g-h!

I HAVE NO SHOES!

hahaha.

i like the national library and the many many nice books =)

i likeeeee.

so i overheard a mother telling her three year old child today to 'tell the aunty what she wanted to buy', and the 'aunty' was a girl who couldn't have been much older than me. hahaha. i'm sure she appreciated that. = . = but to her credit, she gave a very amused smile to herself and kept quiet. that was pretty funny. haha.

life is so so interesting.

i think i'm going to change my blog address. aha. 9:44:00 PM

i feel so screwed. =( really. i didn't write half the things any other person wrote. argh.

how how how. =(

i brought an angel, but it didn't help. =(

that was a stimulating conversation we had. it reminds me of jc days, when we still had GP. i always did like GP, and kinda miss the kind of debate. although i never do have the facts to support. hmmm. it's interesting though. remember how i never did really well for essays, but only reasonably well, because the tutor said i countered too much. haha. i always countered my counter-arguments and then counter my counter counter-arguments. so much so that the whole argument became kind of disorganized and out of scope. though valid. remember how i never hated lessons because it stimulated the mind. remember how i used to go back home and try to convince my mum of certain ideas and principals, though she was relatively easy to convince, because there were hardly anybody who would discuss these issues. hmm. remember how i used to choose 'philo' questions in the essay section, which others mostly wouldn't touch, simply because i had no general knowledge to draw from and hence had to argue about ideas that were based more on inherent values.

i miss the old days. i miss secondary school too.

i won't screw this sem too. right?



feeling quite forlorn. and very very apprehensive. 6:49:00 PM

oh and here are a few interesting pictures taken from my days spent at the library


9:13:00 PM

and so while i took a bus home i noticed that lining the roads and bus stops, there were a million posters saying things like: speeding kills, smoking kills, 'i have lung cancer', blah blah blah. does it not dampen one's spirits?

and so i've been still more enlightened by various conversations regarding the controversial topic of homosexuality. hmmm.

and so i've spent the last six days doing i don't know what and now tomorrow is the exam. congratulations amelia.

and so i've been freaking myself out over the weirdest things ever these few days, and i think i might have as a result caused my heart way more strain than it's used to, giving myself a scare and causing it to skip many beats or jump at double speed every so often. nixon puts it down to stress. me? i have no idea, hahaha. maybe i'm just going crazy and getting more and more paranoid like an old woman.

and so i've done a few things that i wouldnt normally have done, but which are in line with my impulsive character.

and so, in line with the 'and so's, i'm pretty dead. but i shall not jinx myself.

I WILL DO WELL THIS SEMESTER FOR ALL MY SUBJECTS.

there. that should do it. 7:21:00 PM