i did a lot of things that i certain(ly) shouldn't have done.

1. i called a certain someone at a certain time. i don't know why.
2. i asked a certain question of a certain someone i cannot afford to hear the answer for.
3. i let a certain someone talk to me in a way that is just plain wrong.
4. i got angry with a certain girl-friend(s) and was mean. i don't know why. i hope they didn't notice. or that they forgive me.
5. i said a certain thing i definitely did not mean and i think it's going to come back and haunt me.

now here's the disclaimer: amelia has been in a relatively bad mood for whatever reason she cannot tell, and is highly irritable and may flare up at any time. so provoke her at your own risk. she hereby apologizes beforehand for any people she may offend for at least the next two weeks and beg that you forgive her, after which you will be free to whack her should she continue to be evil. 7:13:00 PM

i hate. this.

i feel. like. screaming.

suddenly the temporal optimism is. gone.

damn. 11:41:00 PM

I like sitting near the water, just thinking about everything and nothing much in particular.
I like riding a bicycle real fast in the breeze.
I like having time to do some daydreaming every so often.
I like having nice dreams at night.
I like having fun with my friends.
I like people who make me laugh.
I like to make people laugh.
I like contemplating the philosiphies of life.
I like reading, reading, reading.
I like frolics in the sea.
I like star gazing.
I like talking to people who listen to me.
I like listening to people talk about themselves.
I like gossiping sometimes. all in good fun.
I like listening to my music.
I like shopping.
I like school. without the stress.
I like to travel.
I like having heart to heart conversations.
I like discussions about everything under the sun.
I like GP-ish discussions.
I like esplanade library.
I like making the people around me happy.
I like to dream of the day i attain my house by the sea.
I like to think of that little wooden house i would have and how i'd walk barefooted by the sea every morning.
I like to read horoscopes and wish that the good parts will come true.
I like to wake up in the mornings snug in my blanket and lay there planning what i'd do for the day.
I like the people in my life.
I like going out.
I like watching movies.
I like sweets.
I like salty popcorn. so there.
I like the rain. But only if i'm appropriately dressed.
I like receiving gifts and flowers. even if they are useless.

I dislike hypocrites.
I dislike mean people.
I dislike people who think they are a cut above the rest.
I dislike letting people down.
I dislike making decisions.
I dislike liars.
I dislike stress.
I dislike being let down.
I dislike feelings of envy and jealousy.
I dislike annoying people.
I dislike licorice.
I dislike plants (the main reason being how they always die under my care. =X)
I dislike being outside in the rain when i'm not dressed in lousy clothes.
I dislike being disregarded.
I dislike being invisible.
I dislike being treated as if i was emotionless.
I dislike pork.
I dislike arguments.
I dislike the feeling of being disliked.
I dislike people who take things for granted.
I dislike confrontations.
I dislike broken promises.
I dislike celery.
I dislike running.
I dislike people who have hidden agendas.
I dislike overconfident people.
I dislike crowded places.
I dislike clubbing.
I dislike smokers.
I dislike being forced to do things.
I dislike being emotionally blackmailed.
I dislike being forced to do things subtly. (not spelt out but emotionally forced upon.)
I dislike thinking about my future because i may not have one to speak of.
I dislike being so afraid of ghosts.
I dislike being fickle and indecisive.
I dislike being so sensitive.
I dislike not being able to understand what is going on.
I dislike people controlling me through mind games.
I dislike not being able to break free.
I dislike having no self confidence.
I dislike that i believe people so easily. 11:53:00 AM

Dominant Keyword: I USE.

Lucky Day: Saturday

Lucky Numbers: 2 and 8

Birthstone: Garnet

Color(s): Dark Green and Brown

Metal: Lead

Your most likeable trait: STEADINESS

Capricorns are ambitious, and the lives of those born under this sign are marked by a purposeful pursuit of their destiny. Your motivating force is desire for success, money, status, position, authority, and (though you may not realize it) for love(yea i noticed. = _ = hahaha).

In the sign of Capricorn the practicality of earth combines with the initiative of cardinality to create a personality geared toward leadership and power. Your ruler Saturn is the planet of limitations, which includes the limitation of time. (To the ancients, Saturn was the symbol for Father Time.) You have a heightened sense of the value of time, which helps to make you a superb organizer and planner.

In the sign of Capricorn the quality of patience reaches new heights. One of the hallmarks of your sign is that you learn to wait for things you want.An aura of melancholy and sternness often surrounds you. Saturn has been called the Celestial Taskmaster for it symbolizes responsibility, discipline, and restriction. You, as a child of Saturn, are practical and above all determined(well i used to be. but where has it gone? =( ). As long as there is a top to get to from the bottom, you will persevere in your upward striving.You think of yourself as a real person in a real world which allows little time for idle pleasure-seeking. You have a sense of purpose and a great faith in your own ability. Essentially, you feel you can depend only on yourself. This remoteness of spirit is often misunderstood by others; it has been described as cold passion. But you are not cold as much as self-sufficient. Beneath your reserve there is a sensitive and sympathetic person, and anyone who needs a strong shoulder to lean on needn't look further than Capricorn.Certainly you do not deserve your reputation for being sober and gloomy. One of your more striking characteristics is a sense of humor. Your wit may be dry, incisive, but it is extremely funny and has a way of erupting when others least expect it.

As is your nature with everything else in life, you are cautious and conservative with money. Chances are you will amass wealth during your lifetime (usually in the later years), for you know how to make sound investments. In business your success is due to painstaking preparation. The journey of ten thousand miles may begin with a single step, but you know you can't get anywhere unless you first know where you're going. You may not size up a situation as quickly as some, but that can be an advantage, for it means you won't heedlessly plunge in. Instead, you will research, examine what others have done before, and gather all relevant data. Only then with a thorough understanding of the details, will you begin to move. And then you won't be stopped until you reach your goal.Your basic concern is for security. That goal comes first and you are usually materialistic. You can be spiteful toward those who stand in the way. You have a great sense of pride and will not forgive anyone who belittles or slights you. By the same token you will repay favors done for you. Scorpios also go out of their way to repay a kindness, but in their case it is done out of a sense of gratitude and fidelity. With you the motivation is pride, which does not allow you to live comfortable under an obligation.

More than any other sign of the zodiac, Capricorns marry for money and prestige. In most relationships you must dominate, because when you are in control you do not feel vulnerable to another person's power. In small ways you are continually testing the loyalty of those close to you. You are the loner of the zodiac, but have a great need to be loved and appreciated. Unfortunately, you won't let this need be known—in fact, you are a past master at concealing it.Underneath the mask, you wear still other masks, and it can take a long time to discover the real you. To others you may appear aloof, indifferent, hard to reach because you are so self-contained. But the very elusiveness of your Capricorn personality can be hypnotically attractive.

Anyone who cares enough to penetrate your shell of reserve will be greatly rewarded. Your affections and loyalty run deep, and you cherish and protect those you love. And you stick around when the going is toughest.(well too bad there are hardly any who even bother to try.)

HOW TO ATTRACT CAPRICORN

If Capricorns appear aloof at first, it's because they are calculating the risks of a new friendship.They are quite willing to be your audience, so don't be afraid to take the initiative in conversation. A sure way to capture Capricorn's interest is to be amusing, for they are basically melancholy types who need an emotional lift.They often try to mask their feelings because they are afraid of exposing too much of themselves. Never mind that their fears are unfounded; this is how they feel. Even at their most open, Capricorns will be pretty hard to fathom.Capricorns are interested in art, music, and theater and are drawn to people who are intellectually stimulating. They prefer to talk of serious subjects. When they decide to state an opinion, listen as if you were hearing the Gettysburg Address for the first time. And don't come up with radical or far-out opinions. They sun unconventionality.

You can't go wrong getting a Capricorn something practical as a gift. Be sure it is of the best quality, not something gaudy or showy. Persons born under this sign appreciate luxury, but are far too aware of the value of a dollar to respect anyone who splurges merely to make an impression. Books are always a good item, especially biographies, self-help books, and books dealing with investments(hmmm well not exactly. hahaha. i'm not interested in business!).

Tip: Always be on time. Time is money—and you know how Capricorns feel about that.

" In order to be free,we must learn how to let go.Release the hurt.Release the fear.Refuse to entertain your old pain.The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.What is it I would let go of today?"

有多少爱可以重来 by 迪克牛仔,

有多少爱可以重来有多少人愿意等待当懂得珍惜以后归来却不知那份爱会不会还在有多少爱可以重来有多少人值得等待当爱情已经桑田沧海是否还有勇气去爱

all koped from xiaomin's blog. i'm feeling melancholy and my flu is not helping. once again, coincidences happen. is it just me? or does every one experience such unbelievable coincidences every so often?? it's almost scary you know.

so recently i've been contemplating a lot about homosexual issues and have wondered a lot about how they live. i've been told that more people are homosexual than i can even begin to guess. that is.. kind of freaky i guess. i've been thinking a lot about religions as well. and as of yet i have not come to a single conclusion. everything just keeps getting more mixed up.

I've learnt not to take things at face value. you are once again leading me on, but this time i've become smarter. i won't be led on again. because yo do know how prideful capricorns can be. egoistic if you like. so. i'll take it one step at a time, with a lot of caution and skepticism and cynicism. i've learnt from the best and learnt from my past mistakes.

the truth is. you never bothered. you only liked me for who i seemed to be. but i wasn't her. i'm more than you saw. and well. i guess. that's why it didn't work out. i too took you at a superficial level and that spelt trouble. i wonder... why do you not get back with her? you always seemed to me like you never got over her. it must be about ten months now. if you guys still haven't gotten over each other, probably you never will. so why not just get back together. sometimes i think guys are from another galaxy altogether.

sometimes i'm happy and sometimes i'm miserable. sometimes i'm more than miserable. =( like now. 8:10:00 PM

can't shake this lousy feeling i've been having. and for all you people still reading my blog, no. it is not because of not having a date yesterday ok. well not entirely.

let's see.

1. i hate my core subjects.
2. there are one million things to do. and i'm procrastinating. and i'm stressed.
3. you are annoying me with your hot and cold attitudes. i cannot be bothered with you anymore. so please. don't make me bother again. ass. it's not nice to play with feelings ok??
4. i'm upset about the way i feel about certain things. i hate feeling that way. and hate myself for thinking those things.
5. i spend too much on retail therapy.
6. i don't know i don't know i don't know.

on a different note:

I am appalled/disgusted/ashamed/horrified by the standard of politness displayed in singapore. where have the manners gone? has consideration been unknowingly erased from the dictionary? ugh. please don't tarnish the singapore reputation any further.

do you think maybe i really am insane. 10:17:00 PM

well well. time flies. i've been extra stressed of late. stuff piling up. 24 hours a day is simply not enough. give me 64.

Singlehood has it's pros and cons.

Pros:
I'm much freer to do what i want, when i want.
I'm not bound to make that particular someone happy all the time.
I can flirt. IF i so wish.
I can make decisions without having to consult that particular someone.
I can do what i want without considering that my actions may cause pain to another.
I can stop second guessing what the other is thinking.
I don't have to be the 'hated' one for being his gf.
I don't have to be caught in the middle, deciding whether to go out with him(when i've gone out with him every other day of the week) and bangsei my friends(which i hate doing, cuz i hate people who bangsei me for boy/girlfriends) OR to go out with friends and risk incurring his wrath, at the same time feeling guilty for not accompanying him.
I won't go over on my messages and talktime.
I can eat meals with friends(they are more fun because there are so many people, you get to laugh more)
I dress better.

Cons:
I don't get sweet messages.
I don't have someone to go out with on valentines.
I don't have someone to comfort me when i cry.
I don't have someone to turn to when i'm scared.
I don't have someone...

erm. no more.

it's all good.

woohoo! one last con. i don't have anybody to go out with when all my attached friends are going out with the other halves. that's the main problem. there is no point in having freedom if there is noone to appreciate your freedom. i mean like if you have freedom to go out with friends and have no friends to go out with. = _ =''' but then again. that seldom happens. so it's still good. woohoo. =) i love my hectic life. even if it stresses me to tears sometimes, even if i feel like breaking down sometimes. even if i sometimes feel i'm going to collapse of fatigue. i love my life.

am i a cold person? i didn't think so. but people seldom know what i think. its deep inside. blah. 8:56:00 PM

it's almost, but not quite two weeks.

i may have made the wrong decision. and it may all have been for nothing considering my new decision.

sometimes you gotta cut the bad stuff out of your life. some people are just not worth keeping. they look for you when they are bored when they need some attention from you, and you being ever obliging accomplish that for them and when they are busy, they forget you. i remember scamp - it seems eons ago. i remember the you at scamp. that's what i'm talking about. tell me. do i really look like i can always be counted on to be there, but only when people want me to be? and where am i supposed to disappear to then? when people don't want me around? you think i'm a genie? i wish too. at least i dun have to be bothered with the petty faults of humans. and i don't have to be saddled with the petty flaws of being one.

it's the season for romance. and yup. where's my place. haha. i have stopped bothering about you. november was a one off experience. perhaps it was just fun on your part. whatever the case, i'm letting go. it's easier said than done, but it's also more easy to accomplish than i expected. so goodbye. some things i'll not forget. in my life, perhaps there are only two people i can say that for.in this arena. one happened two years ago. i took six months to almost a year to let go. this time, it's taking less. it's taking less out of me too. and thats great. because you said you weren't giving me false signals. but you know not what you do. you gave excuses for what you did, and ok, i accept them. but i don't really believe you. neither do i really bother anymore. you have erased the good experiences with the bad and now i just really can't be bothered. i will keep what's good and maybe looking back in the future, at least i know that my life at some points, were happy. and i can take great comfort in that. :)

it doesn't matter that you mention j***** we all know who. at least i do. it doesn't matter that she still shows you what love should be and i probably show what love should not be. it really doesn't matter. because i too have been shown what love should not be by you. so what does it matter? it doesn't. because all throughout i was second fiddle anyway. so what does it matter. because all throughout she was still in your heart more than i ever was more than i ever could be so what does it matter.

i hate confrontations. i hate mean people. i hate nightmares.


































boo. :( 8:58:00 AM