you know? stars shine brighter when they stand apart from other bright stars. much brighter. and they are then appreciated more and they become more beautiful in people's eyes. but... might they sometimes feel lonely without the company of the other bright stars? 9:48:00 PM

sometimes its retarded, but there are certain things everyone knows about but keeps mum. and then one day you finally realized that everyone always knew about it and were being silly and thinking that they were the only ones who knew about it. it's pretty funny when you think about it, esp if you picture each person as a little comic character enclosed in a box with little thought bubbles. haha hilarious no?

i still dont like clubbing, but i think the pageant was fine, except... models are mostly professionally trained i guess. hahaha. but yuqian looked really nice =) i'm glad i went. haha. even if i wished the final bit was a bit different =X

i quite like the hair. =) 12:32:00 PM

Dear Amelia

We have re-considered your appeal and will grant the module to you. This module granted to you is approved on a case-by-case basis, and not because you went personally to appeal to the lecturer. One consideration may be the record of your attempts to bid for EL1101E. You may approach the lecturer to sign up for a tutorial group.

Best regards, ELL Enquiries


Says it all. i'm over the moon =) 9:36:00 PM

i almost lost my ipod today. almost.

i almost couldn't find you today. almost.

the appeal got disapproved today. it really did. it really did. 9:48:00 PM

the fireworks were really nice, like glitter showering from the sky, we watched with childlike fascination, exclaiming at every sparkle, every explosion. it made all the prior squeezing and pushing and hassle all worth it in the end. even if i didnt know it before.

makes you wonder if you know the value of worthiness? what is worth it and what is not? and yet, how do you know something is worth it unless you have tried it all through? you couldnt very well say something is not worth it if you havent spent something to experience it no? how would i have known that the feeling would be worth it? even if it had been described to me would i have believed it? chances are, no i would not have. for a few minutes of pleasure, was spending so much worth it? but. it was a few minutes of pleasure multiplied many many times because there were many many people. now is it worth it? out of that, many many of the people were children, and their joy is infectious, making parents laugh and onlookers smile indulgently, with a sense of shared enjoyment and delight, at least for that moment. now is it worth it? maybe so. =) now let's not be cynics. it was worth it. it really was. the fireworks left me feeling really awed, and i was glad i caught it on the last day =) and i loved the company. =) jiam (c dong ->read it fast! =P), ck (stop calling me blur!), lijun (with her hamster *raise eyebrows* =P), huiling (who is damn cute and i'm so glad i know her now), glendon (with his irritating poke the face trick hahaha) =D happiness.

oh and we met xiaochen and binglin somewhere along the way too, it's either now we know more people than ever, we are bound to meet some even in the most crowded places, or we must be really fated to meet them EVEN in such crowded places. haha. perspectives again. and i guess it will depend on who it is we meet, that will make us decide how it is we want to take it =)

oh wells. in any case, it was still beautiful. till next year then, tata. =) next year let's make a date to watch the manmade shooting stars again.

i tried to take some photos and the old man beside us took a video of the entire thing. but i guess no matter what, photos and videos make the fireworks impersonal. they make them look so far away, so unreachable, when in actual fact, the fireworks totally looked like they could be touched and caught in the palm of my hand. some things you can never capture. just like how you could read a million stories of being in love, but you could never know how it felt unless you've experienced it yourself. just like how you can be told about how amazing snow really is, but could never imagine just how nice the cold can feel, or just how beautiful the vastness of a white plain is. how awesome. just like how you could never capture a sunset or sunrise beautifully enough on film, so you cannot catch a shooting star or a firework display properly enough to do the actual thing justice. some things you keep in your mind's eye, in a kaleidoscope of beautiful memories for flipping through when the going gets tough, for referring to when you feel a little down, for calming purposes when you're frustrated. just as how we keep friendships, past or present, ongoing or over, we keep them in our hearts, preserved for always, where they reside, even if one day the photos are lost, even if they burn in a fire or get lost in the sea, memories remain. and sometimes we forget, but at the least likely times, the images from a long ago time rise up and offer momentary comfort and joy. and sometimes, that is enough.

had the oddest dream: i was pregnant. like now, at this instant, this point in time. *raises eyebrows real high* haha and i was like totally panicked until i remembered... WAIT A MINUTE. just how can i be pregnant when i've not done the act?! = . = i must be REALLY paranoid. haha. craziness. it was a REALLY silly dream. hahaha.

went shopping with cheryl teo today and bought a million nice things, for a whole lot of money! hahaha. oh wells. no more shopping for me k. not even like shopping in nus! eeks. and now it's study time. =) i'm all set. bring it on.

there is like, and THEN there is like. 8:17:00 PM

it's a bit silly. no. very silly. it's a horrible feeling. but i'll be fine. those who've known me for awhile, they ask: why did you do it this time? i give a customary shrug and said it looks cool. but that's not the real reaon is it. it never is. i played a silly game: if it rains that means i'm unlucky cuz i cant play tennis. but god is fair. he will make it up in some way. if it rains, he likes me.

it didn't rain.

and i played tennis for many many hours. so i guess god IS fair. he made up for it cuz even though it looked like it would rain all afternoon, it didnt. it didn't rain. it didnt rain. haha. it's a silly game. but you know how when you're down and all things just collaborate to work against you? well. i managed to catch the bus today too. seems i'm having better luck now than ever. better make use of it. it won't last i guess. god wont makeup for it indefinitely. =P

i'll be ok. 10:06:00 PM

i'd like a little puppy which would sit with me and allow to be held. which will sit with me silently and whom i can cry in front of, unafraid of judgements and of having to explain myself, of having to patronize with answers when all i really want is to shut up and just keep my pain to myself. i'd like an overenthusiastic puppy which would lick me and make me feel loved unconditionally. =)

oh wells. 9:20:00 PM

it's ok, i understand now, i know now. about you. i get your drift.

you realize that we only notice the people we are looking out for? you could pick those people out like picking out a needle from a haystack, but all too easily. and yet, those you are not looking out for, you could have stared straight at them countless times and never ever seen them. you couldn't recognize them even if you tried. somehow my eyes are drawn like magnets to certain people. but. i turn away.

twice a week i'll see you then. =)

如果可以重来，那我会选择把不能说的秘密，继续藏起来。

还蛮痛苦的。

jay chou's secret was good. 10:29:00 PM

i dont think. i know. i know. it's not uncertain. it's definite. do you know? but i dont know about you. =( 10:16:00 PM

talked to jiamin and it brought back memories, somehow i walked so far, somehow i grew so much. and much as sometimes i'm at a loss, and sometimes i lose my self confidence, i'm still really glad to be here now. it's hard to imagine things then, and it's hard to believe i got to where i am, and have good friends and great company most of the time. and well, i'm just really really happy =) the camp was great, i dunno. i'm just going to really really miss the og freshies for both scamp and sow. i wish they werent quite so hostile toward each other.. haha it made me feel kinda sandwiched =( but both groups were great in their own ways. i'm so glad i went for sow =) thanks babylon. =) ps. much as i want to, i cannot bring myself to call our og pigs! hahaha =X and thanks dory too, for the blur people inside *ahem* and for the bimbos inside and the sane (saint) people hahaha. =) love you ALL! haha. eeyer. my hair standing. haha. oh wells.

hmmm. did a damn spacey thing yesterday when i was not in the right mind. pretty typical of me la. hahaha damn. i had a revelation quite awhile ago, but never told people about it. for once, i kept my mouth shut. damn i should have kept it shut and not said it. haha. stupid stupid stupid. for once, a friend. for once, not someone i know for a whole of two days. damn. hahaa. i'm damn cui ar. tempus revelat? time HAS revealed! = . = 4:13:00 PM

bloody cors with it's sucky system. i have no modules. watch me cry. 3:35:00 PM

it struck me that you dont have to be patriotic to get into the national day spirit. well well. so i passed by city hall today and the crowd was really wow. and the clothes they were wearing were really wow too. i mean i'm really impressed. it made me kind of feel like i wanted to get down and join in. haha but nah i'm too averse towards crowds.

oh wells.

but whats with the money spent on it man. kinda too much no?

anyway. well. i wonder if... it means anything. i wonder if really.... well. i dont know. i wonder at the state of my own mind. i wonder at my emotions and i wonder what i really want.

on a lighter note, sow. it was fun, and i like our people. i guess there'll always be people you encounter who you cannot stand though. hahaha. and people you encounter who will be freaky. but what to do. haha anyway for the most part, i love them, jiamin - my oh-so-fine sp who is like damn blur and tries to deny it, binggan - the permanent panda, and so onhahahha. not to mention huiling, glen, ck, chiakeat, kk, lijun, zhaoying, yvonne, xinyu. haha.

but. i really dislike people who scold me for nothing ok. it gets me pissed. = . = one such incident happened, it was like i got scolded when the situation was not even clear. it's like getting scolded the moment you wake up from sleeping = . = like wth. damn blur la.

and i really dislike cors. i'm feeling damn cui cuz apparently i have no modules to take. how how. damn it. 10:29:00 PM

one day, the answer will be 'it's you'.
one day, the answer will be 'me too'. 12:06:00 AM

can you get the situation straight first before getting angry at me?! i'm caught in the middle and you dont try to help me when i tell you, instead you get angry at something that i cannot help. it just freaking gets me pissed off. what the HELL. i neither wanted nor asked her to want to come here. and then she said she needed to. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. thats all i'm asking. i know you dont want it. i dont want it either. some suggestions what to do will be helpful? NOT getting mad. DAMN.

so i switch off. you never ever ever want to know do you. dont bother asking next time. 9:11:00 AM

it's a dreamy wakefulness,
but like a butterfly she flits,
drifting in and out,
the doors of thoughts.

the line between thoughts,
and dreams.
between judgements
and perceptions.

so thin you wonder,
'was it my imagination?'
the silvery threads of doubt,
play upon heartstrings.

a white void,
a soundless noise.
i'm taking it all in,
these little things i see. 1:30:00 AM