grownups never understand anything by themselves, & it is tiresome for children to be always & forever explaining things to them.

with responsibilities, they lose sight of the important things. the simplest things that form the basis of the most important principals of life. with more material wants, they lose the ability to enjoy those very materials to the fullest. with more cynicism, with more insight, with more exposure, they bring their guards up and are unable of letting them down again. there's always something holding them back from doing something. there's always doubt. once someone has been lied to one too many times, suffered one too many disappointments, he loses his ability to trust. and these things once lost can never be found back.

then again. where would children be without these adults protecting them from the full blow of the harsh world for the longest time possible?

it's so hard to retain innocence. that pure elusive thing. that causes a child to trust implicitly, to love unconditionally, to live an uncomplicated existence, encumberance-free, to laugh genuinely, to enjoy freedom. for the regretfully limited number of days of those they have.

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i don't even want to talk about those disgusting things i've sat for. it's unbelievable. and there's two more. save me.

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i'm upset about some stuff apart from that too. i feel... a little envy, a little regret, a little questioning, a little wistful, a little sad, a little hopeless, a little, the littlest of the little - pang. 12:02:00 AM