i am sometimes extra nice because it feels good to make people slightly happier through the simplest things, the smallest gestures. the truth is, maybe i do unto others what i want done for me. just that it doesn't really work that way. i care for others because i know it feels nice to have someone caring for you. i dress nicely sometimes to make me feel slightly better, when i'm in exceptionally depressed moods. i wear makeup sometimes to hide my eyes when they are swollen from crying. i lie sometimes so people do not worry unnecessarily. i tell untruths sometimes to appease ruffled feathers. i apologize sometimes even when i know it's not my fault just so people will get that satisfaction that they were right. i laugh sometimes to give people assurance. the things i do may seem easy enough. but sometimes they are tough to accomplish. sometimes i get tired of doing things for others. sometimes i get discouraged. but i continue. just don't take it all for granted. i don't have to do them.

fortune telling is based on perspectivity and interpretations. one could interpret things many ways. a fortune teller's word is a general sentence which may be completely fabricated or which may not be fabricated, but which may apply to a whole lot of people at once in many different ways. therefore, it is the interpretation of one's own self that makes the fortune teller's word what it is. say for example the fortune teller says i will become rich one day. i may choose to believe him and not do anything. if i do happen to become rich, it will be by luck. or maybe i married a rich husband. on the other hand, i may have chosen to work even harder since he said i was going to become rich and in the end, if i do become rich, it would have been based on my own hard work. do we not hold our destiny in our own hands?

some people need others to tell them what they are like. not because they don't know exactly what kind of a person and what kind of a character they have, but because hearing someone else tell them about themselves makes them feel good, especially when the other can so clearly see what kind of person he is. it makes him happier just to know that someone bothers to even analyse him and can see.

some people like to know things about other people. it gives them control. but on the other hand, nobody really knows much about them. some people are manipulative. they play countless games that leave you reeling. and when you think you've finally got out of their game, you end up finding out awhile later that making you think you had escaped was all part of the plan. it takes a lot to play these anticipation games. but a true master doesn't require effort. it all comes just as naturally as we breathe. these are the people that should be avoided at all costs. you could be played like a puppet and you wouldn't even realize. you know only what they want you to think you know. so you end up knowing nothing except perhaps a fictitious persona.

some people have so little confidence in theselves they think everything is their fault. they end up saying sorry for half the things they didn't do. and as if that is not enough, they say sorry when the situation is clearly not a result of their wrongdoing and they are in fact the victims. they say sorry for being the victim. sometimes they apologize for even being born. by taking the world's faults upon themselves, their hearts grow smaller each day. one day they'll break. one day they'll do drastic things. one day they'll simply disappear.

i am entitled to rages now and again. everyone is. it doesn't mean that just because i'm obliging and willing to please most of the time, i have to be that way all the time. it doesn't mean that i will always accept things lying down. it doesn't mean that you have a right to stand me up just because i will apparently 'understand' because you have a good reason. just because i give in, it doesn't mean that i always will. it doesn't mean that you can take for granted that i will always be there. that i will always be the punching bag you can vent on. just because i understand what you are going though and am trying to help you by being as much of a lamb as possible doesn't mean that you have the right to think you are doing everything right, that you are entitled to yell at me. it doesn't mean that because i have done something wrong once, i have to atone for that all my life. it freaking doesn't mean that i have to take all your crap all the time. it doesn't mean that just because i laugh everything off i'm really fine. if scolding me helps, then go ahead. just know that it hurts like hell. just know that i cry like a little kid over some things you say as easily as popping a mint. over things you can just as easily stop yourself from saying. i don't deserve to be scolded like that. not when i did nothing this time. not when i didn't use YOU as an outlet to vent my frustration. this is no longer retaliation. this is you picking a fight. and. i walk away. i give my promise to help anybody who needs it. that's because i hate to think of a person having to face things alone. it's extremely painful. but helping you puts me in so much pain myself. and when i am in pain, i lay sobbing deep into the night, on my own. who is there then, to render help?

sometimes. when it's late and tears fall, i need to just hear a human voice. then, if i do call, please pick up. 7:41:00 PM