i don't know what to do about my grades. each time i express concern about them, the standard answer is either that i can do it, or not to worry because i will do better next semester. these answers do not help me. i guess there is no correct answer. but all the same, i wish someone could help me out. i'm really really scared. i have resolved not to do anything or think about anything other than studies for now. i will still go where i said i will go. once a week will not kill me. maybe it will give me the support i've always needed but never got. maybe it will become a source of strength for me. i cannot say. but i will know soon enough.

i kind of blame you. in a way. i shouldn't i guess. i could have made my own decisions and stuck to them. true. but there had been the pressure to make certain decisions. and even if i say i don't, in my heart, i do blame you. at least in part.

stop invading my thoughts ok? maybe i should stop watching drama serials. i always end up crying at night.

i hate that i cannot keep my thoughts to myself. sometimes... i succeed in not messaging you. i succeed in burying you in the deep dark corners. i want to be friends. really. but i know i have to give it time. so i stay away from you. but when you message me, i can't help but reply you. sometimes i can't help but say some stuff i shouldn't say. and when i do say them, you disappear abruptly. sometimes you disappear even when i haven't said anything wrong. do you do that on purpose? why?

thank you for being understanding. i hope you mean it. take care. 9:52:00 PM