it's so easy for change to take place. sometimes you get tired of just being so aimless. i feel like i want to break out. i guess i always feel like that. sometimes, all of a sudden i just feel like i don't want this life, this circle of friends, this situation, this everything. i just feel like i want a change. maybe i'm just like that. for all who are reading this blog, please do not be hurt. friends. i don't mean that i need to get away from you guys. many of you have been such great great friends for the periods of time when i need you, and i'm just really really grateful. what i meant was superficial friends. sometimes you get so so sick and tired of them. why do they put on such facades. i could know a person for 2 years and i still cannot understand what she thinks and what's going on in her mind and everything. i'm just... i don't know. really turned off and pissed with these people. i need to get away from them i guess. it's too stifling. that's why i hate it so much that there are so many people i know in NUS all these surface friends who don't give a damn about me yea. i kind of would like a new start away from them. but i guess. well. it's just not possible is it. especially you. the way you act really makes me feel nauseous. i dread seeing you. i think i might even hate you. i have never liked you even last time. so maybe. maybe i'm a hypocrite? i'm sorry. but well at least i am not overenthusiastic when i see you. and i dont like to talk to you much either, don't you realize that? maybe you take for granted that everybody likes you and nobody will ever dislike you? but i do. i seriously dislike you. this may be really childish of me but i can't help it.

and you. what's up with you eh? i didn't know alright? what would you have done? i wish i didn't have to be in this situation yea. it's not something i asked for yea. and it's not like it's a totally happy situation either you know. how would you handle this if you were me? how can you say things about me when they are not true. how can i do things differently to make everything less hurting.

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.

if one day i do give up, which i really don't want to and hope i won't,please know that i gave up only because you made me give up. it'll never be because of somebody else. please also know that i really really loved you once before. and take comfort in that. i love you. and please don't ever let go unless you have no feelings anymore. please. 9:21:00 AM