thanks for doing all these stuff you do for me. really. and please don't disallow me to say it. i can hardly believe the possibility of your existence, much less the fact that. well.. that. yea.

kind of sad that i lost it. guess it's time to let go huh. but i guess memories such as those will never go away. even if its representational piece is gone.

how come everytime i read your blog, i feel this pain. like. unwittingly. tears come unbidden. hope you will be ok. you seem to be suffering a lot of heartache. i really really hope things will work out for you soon. take care dear girl.

thought of you today grandma. i miss you. haven't missed you so intensely for so long. i always regretted this fact: that i couldn't cry during your funeral. i don't know why, but the tears just wouldn't come. remember when i stared hard at your picture willing my tears to fall, willing the sadness to show itself, the heart wrenching sadness to come out. yet they wouldn't come. maybe i was too young. i have no idea. now. years overdue, i almost can't seem to stop. almost like i'm finally grieving for this particular loss. I so so regret not knowing you more, not talking to you more, loving you more. it's all too late isn't it. will you wait for me? i have some things to say to you. or will you visit me? please? tonight? or whenever you are free. it's ok. i'm sorry i always seem to want my way. seem t be selfish. sorry. take your time grandma. i will wait. meanwhile, please take care of yourself too yea. i don't know if i believe in a netherworld. but i guess i'd rather believe. 12:40:00 AM