Did you ever want something so bad you felt like you would stop breathing if you couldn't get it? I really wanted to get into those schools I didn't get into. I really wanted some of things to happen. In a big way. None of them did. It all fell away. It wasn't a lot that I asked for. But it wasn't granted anyway. So what makes me think it will be different this time around. What makes me think that good things will happen to me. I hate to think like that. But maybe it's inborn, maybe it's everything that has been thrown my way thus far. My natural train of thoughts just go that way. I hate to be the cause of upset. I don't want to spoil things for everybody. It's better if I just put everybody else first. Cuz if I do start to put myself first, the agony of thinking what others think and how they feel is much worse. I really hate to upset people. Maybe I'm rambling. I am, not maybe. The bottom line though, is still, that i want everybody to be happy. I want to be the one to make them happy. I want. It's all I wish for. Maybe if there is happiness all around already, I can finally go about finding happiness of my own too. 11:45:00 PM